Written by Dina, @doctoronivftrain
Infertility is a thief.
It steals your identity. Then chews it up spits it out. All hopes and dreams growing up about how and when you’d start your family. Shattered.
It steals your peace
It steals your joy
It steals your friends
It steals your money
It steals your heart
Then somehow you have to find the strength to build it all up again.
You have to figure out who you are.
You learn to
Create your peace
Make new friends
Let the money go
Mend your heart
You learn to put your life on hold. Put up with the clinics, appointments, expenses and failures all in hopes of a MAYBE. All in hopes of a CHANCE. A thread of HOPE that maybe one day it will all pay off and you’ll get to be a mom one day.
Some people are fortunate and get there eventually. Others not so lucky. Some are still trying or walking away willingly.
Either way you end up losing your identity again. If you’re successful with treatments and end up pregnant it’s thievery yet again. You can’t possibly enjoy it because you’re terrified. First you don’t believe it. Then you wait on the other shoe to drop. Then you can’t celebrate it because you don’t want to hurt other warriors.
Yet you MUST start letting go and moving on. You MUST shift your focus to the life you worked so hard to achieve.
All of a sudden you become an outsider.
No longer part of the infertility community.
Yet, It’s such a cemented part of your identity.
Same with those who don’t succeed and decide to walk away.
Childless.
Not by choice.
Childless by circumstance.
They also say goodbye yet again to their identity. They learn to craft a new life with a new tribe.
So you see infertility is the biggest thief.
In the end you have to take back what you can. Keep rebuilding until you find yourself again.
To contribute to this series, or the blog overall, contact us at hello@wheneverybodymatters.com or follow me @wheneverybodymatters. Thank you to all who share their stories!
